The return of the HILY Letter

Back in 2019, I did a 100 Day Project in which I wrote and shared a love note on a post-it every day for several months. That expanded into a newsletter called Hey, I Love You which I deeply enjoyed writing and then stopped, for reasons (ADHD and burnout, mostly, but also a deep desire for this work to not become a Marketing Thing instead of the small and lovely joyful habit it was for me.)

I’ve decided to resume the HILY Letter as part of my regular newsletter publication, without the pressure to be on an editorial schedule or make it a big thing. It’s just going to show up occasionally, hopefully when you really need it.

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All of that said, I’m going to be reposting my original letters here in order to give them a more permanent home in the archive. Below, you’ll find HILY Letter #1, originally sent in 2019.

Here’s a quick primer on the anatomy of a HILY Letter:

• The main part will be familiar to you if you followed along with my 100 Day Love Notes Project: each letter will include a small handwritten affirmation, bit of encouragement, or thought meant to give you a moment of reflection on self-care and self-love.
• Some links to things that are making me happy each week under the “Good Feels” section. This will range from quotes, to (good)news articles, to memes or videos that made me laugh. It's a grab bag of, well, Good Feels.
• Finally, I’m curating a Spotify playlist of songs that remind me to be kind to myself. I’ve loved making mix tapes since I was a kid, when I used to pretend to be the host of a radio show and make tapes of myself intro-ing the latest pop hits. (I really hope all of those tapes have been destroyed. They’d be great blackmail.) If you add The HILY Letter Playlist to your Spotify library, it’ll automatically update each week with the current track. If you don’t have Spotify, no worries! You should still be able to listen to the track in a browser without having an account. (I highly recommend keeping the playlist on your mobile device for spontaneous 30-second dance parties.)

Now that we have the business out of the way, let's get to the good stuff!

You are a great place to start.

It doesn’t seem like much, does it? Taking a little time for yourself, doing something you love, making that doctor’s appointment, going for a walk… What kind of difference could it really make? There is so much that takes priority, there are so many stressors to tackle, there’s so much to do that’s more important – I’ll get to self-care tomorrow. It’s not that big of a deal. I don’t have time to be selfish.

Sometimes it’s hard to start doing the work of loving ourselves because we don’t believe it will make a difference to anyone but us. I’m just one person, I’m not important enough. While I firmly believe that self-care and self-love just for its own sake is absolutely vital (stress is literally killing people – more on that another week), it can be difficult to act in your own self-interest if you already have a hard time believing you are worth the effort. When I feel that way, I try to think about the ripple effect my own wellbeing has.

Here’s the thing: Self-care isn’t selfish. It just isn’t. In order to show up in the world as the most whole version of ourselves, we have to be equipped (or as Lama Rod Owens says, resourced). And just like that old adage “hurt people hurt people”, I’ve seen and felt the evidence that healed people heal people. Think about someone in your life who seems like they take really great care of themselves – someone who is emotionally present, grounded, and seems generally happy. What kind of impact does this person have on those around them? What kind of energy are they able to share? Do you think they’re selfish? (I’m guessing no.)

One person has an impact. One person is worth it. Everyone who ever wanted to change the world had to start somewhere, and I think you are a great place to start.

Try This

Choose a self-care activity to tackle this week. It can be something that only takes five minutes (making an appointment you’ve been avoiding), a new habit (drinking enough water), or something more involved if you’re up for it (a spa day or a visit to a museum or a whole week away from social media….)

Now, I want you to dedicate that activity to someone you care about. This can be a family member – including furry ones! – or a good friend… it can even be someone you don’t know in person who inspires you. Before you do the activity, bring that person to mind and tell yourself you are taking care of yourself so that you can show up for them.

See if this shifts your perspective and makes it easier for you to do the thing!

Good Feels

• Travis Kinley and his donkey sing The Lion King together.
• This 3 year old in Durham is using her entrepreneurial skills to help women and kids.
• A superpod of dolphins races around Monterey Bay (if you're feeling tense, watch this for instant relief.)

On the playlist

Corinne Bailey Rae's "Put Your Records On" is one of my favorite songs to sing in the car. Windows down for maximum effect.
Listen to the HILY Spotify playlist here.

That's all for this week! Remember to drink water, stretch your bod, and hey - I love you.

write. play. repeat. is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.