Small Delights

[This HILY Letter was originally sent September 1st, 2019. I’m reposting them here to have them in my permanent archive and to share with recent subscribers. There will be new editions of Hey, I Love You coming soon!

Even though this was originally posted in the Summer, this note felt pertinent to share with the looming task of New Year’s Resolutions on many people’s minds this week. I don’t do resolutions - they’re not a great fit for a dedicated imperfectionist - but I do like to think about how I want to feel in the coming year. Following delight is a great way to figure out what you might need or want more of in 2024.]

Hi perfectly imperfect human,


I just had my belated birthday party with friends last night, which was a blast. We went bowling - something I hadn't done in years, and which I somehow always manage to forget is so much fun. Honestly, every time I go bowling I think, "Why don't I do this more often?" I'm a really terrible bowler, incidentally. I probably wouldn't find it as fun if I cared about being good at it.

This week, my wish for you is that you are able to take joy in doing something you're not good at...it's good for the soul.

On to this week's note!

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I think sometimes the idea (and ideal) of Happiness can itself be overwhelming. If we aren't feeling great or just want to be feeling better more often, the concept of lasting, deep joy can seem like a fantasy. Some of us think, "If I could only get/achieve/have [insert wild amazing item or accomplishment] I would be happy." But what happens when you get/achieve/have it, and then you still feel like crap after the high of that wears off?

The truth is, the happiest people aren't running around in a constant state of green-juice-fueled, perfect-beach-haired, Instagram-ready glee. They are just regular folks living generally normal lives. Deeply rooted happiness isn't an everlasting giddiness or nonstop fun fest - it's a general contentedness with yourself and your life that is cultivated over time.

The happiest people have created in themselves a kind of resilience that can sustain them through tough times, not prevent them from happening. They are in touch with smaller, everyday delight that "fills the cup" so that the hard stuff is easier to take. 

I believe that paying attention to small things which delight you is an important part of becoming happier. Don't wait until the big, fabulous things happen to allow yourself to experience the joy of the everyday. 

Try This

Set a timer for one minute (ONLY one minute) and make a quick list of things that delight you. Don't edit or think too hard - it's ok if the answers don't even make sense. Try to get ten things written down before the minute is up!
Here's one I've just done:

• Tea and a book on a rainy day
• The smell of my cat's head
• Mid-morning naps
• A moving body of water
• Baking bread
• Laughing so hard I cry a little
• Having flowers in the house
• A brand-new notebook
• Getting my hair washed at the salon
• Watching a campfire

Check it out - now you've got a place to start when you need a pick-me-up.
 

Good Feels

• Lizzo's incredible VMA performance - complete with giant inflatable derriere. "It's so hard trying to love yourself in a world that doesn't love you back... You deserve to feel good as hell - we deserve to feel good as hell!"
• A young elephant is rescued from a well with the help of a team of folks and a large crane.
• 13-year-old Chayse Neyland-Square creates a free store of clothing & school supplies for classmates in need.

On the playlist

The Summer couldn't be complete without Lizzo making an appearance. This week's playlist is "Juice" from her recent anthem-filled album. Standout self-love lyric: If I'm shining, everybody gonna shine.
Listen to the HILY Spotify playlist here.

That's all for this week! Remember to drink water, stretch your bod, and hey - I love you.

Know someone who might benefit from this message of self-love?