[This letter was originally sent on September 8th, 2019. I’m reposting all of my previous HILY letters to preserve them in the archive, and to reach you again (or for the first time) if you need it.

When I first wrote this, Hurricane Dorian had just struck in The Bahamas. Today marks about a week after Helene destroyed huge parts of the Southeast, including my beloved Western North Carolina. If you’d like to help, there’s a great list over here from Blue Ridge Public Radio.]

Starting over (and over)

Hi perfectly imperfect human,
It has been a tough week in the world, both globally and, for many folks I know, personally. My wish for you this week is that you can be as gentle with yourself as you would be with your best friend. You absolutely deserve it!

On to this week's note:

You can begin again and again. <3 

If you're reading this letter, I can probably guarantee you've screwed up a time or two in your life. You've made mistakes, hurt people (including yourself), failed at things you really wanted. If you're like me, you've probably also been really unkind to yourself on some of these occasions.

I can't believe I let that happen.
Ugh, I am so stupid.
___ would never have made such an idiotic mistake.
I will never be good enough.

The things that we say to ourselves when we mess up are things we would never say to someone we love.
Our rational brains know that failure is a universal human experience, but when it happens to us it can be hard to accept it in ourselves.

Why are we expecting ourselves to be the only person on the planet who doesn't get another chance to get it right?

So here's your permission slip. You get to start over. You get to try again. You get to own your mistakes and do better. I don't expect you to get it right the first time, and I hope you'll allow yourself to release that expectation, too.
 

Try This

Next time you make a mistake, notice how you are reacting to yourself. What do you say inside your head (or out loud, Yosemite Sam style) that you wouldn't say to someone you cared about? 
You can still say it - it takes a while to change a habit, especially one as ingrained as self-talk - but notice it.
Then, try adding something a little more forgiving to it. Think of something you might say to a buddy who is lamenting a mistake. Examples could include:

That's ok, I'll try again.
This is hard, but I can give myself another shot at it.
I really wish I had gotten that right, but everyone makes mistakes.
There I go being a human again.

 If you aren't used to talking to yourself kindly, this is going to feel REALLY weird at first. It's ok if you feel silly. It just takes practice for it to feel natural...maybe about as much practice as you've had saying the negative stuff. 

Good Feels

• Hurrican Dorian took a lot out of the Bahamas, but there are some really great organizations helping out. 
• This rescue dog has a fabulous time totally failing an agility course.
• Naomi Osaka and Coco Gauff teach us what sports(wo)manship really looks like.

On the playlist

"New Soul" by Yael Naim reminds me that making mistakes is part of learning to be a person.
Listen to the HILY Spotify playlist here.

That's all for this week! Remember to drink water, stretch your bod, and hey - I love you.